Funeral etiquette – Get 6 tips for modest attire
Are you unsure about funeral etiquette or memorial service etiquette and what to wear to a funeral? This guide will prepare you for your next funeral and give you some tips on what to wear and what not to wear.
Traditionally, dark clothing is worn at a funeral. Below are some suggestions for what to consider when choosing your funeral attire:
- Your clothing should convey respect
- You should wear a dark sweater or suit jacket
- You should wear dark trousers
- You can wear a white shirt if the rest of your outfit is dark and you are not removing your jacket
- You should wear a subtle tie at the funeral
- You must wear black shoes to the funeral.
However, funeral attire isn't just about clothes. There are a few details you should know before you start looking for the best funeral attire.
For example, did you know that the color of funeral attire used to be very conservative—only black was allowed. Today, other dark garments are also very common at funerals.
Above all, your attire and etiquette should reflect your mood and your respect for the deceased and their family. Below, we'll dispel some myths about the "wrong attire" for a funeral.
Let's get started.
What do you wear to a funeral?
Funerals are extraordinary events that you hopefully won't experience too often in your life. But that doesn't mean you have to wear extraordinary clothing. Quite the opposite. There's a dress code for funerals—and it's understated.
Understated clothing demonstrates a certain humility and respect for the deceased and their loved ones. Therefore, it's important to explore the area and understand what's expected before deciding on a specific attire. Talk to friends and relatives, in particular, about the appropriate dress code for a funeral.
In other words, you'll wear clothing to the funeral that won't draw attention to itself. It should be understated, well-groomed, and quiet—something that shows respect for the deceased and their loved ones. Dressing all in black is an old tradition. Today, other dark colors such as dark blue, dark green, or dark gray are also acceptable.
If possible, avoid too much bare skin—that is, no bare arms or legs at the funeral. This will be noticed very quickly because the contrast between the light skin and the colourful suit is so strong. At the same time, bare legs or arms send the wrong signal.
Good examples of what you can wear
Ultimately, you decide what you want to wear. At the same time, you should, of course, also be aware of the dress code. Below you'll find our suggestions for how best to dress for a funeral.
You should wear a dark sweater or suit jacket
Let's start with sharing. Here you have the choice between:
- A dark sweater
- a dark suit jacket
When choosing your top, avoid hoodies, tuxedo jackets, and bright colors. The idea is to dress understated, so choose a dark sweater that won't stand out. If you're wearing a blazer or suit jacket, the dark theme is important. Also consider how the top matches the bottoms—they should be the same color and match the style.
Check out our wide selection of sweaters and suit jackets.
You must wear dark pants
The bottom part consists of dark trousers. Here you can choose between:
- Dark jeans
- Dark suit trousers
- Dark chinos
When choosing your trousers, avoid sweatpants, light-colored trousers, and jeans with holes, rips, or other distinctive features. It's important to choose trousers that are the same dark color as the top or that match the top well in terms of style. Again, this could be a set that's primarily black, dark blue, dark gray, etc.
A few good style tips are:
Wear a dark-colored sweater that matches your dark trousers.
You can wear jeans and a blazer as long as the colors match.
The suit is a set, so try to match the top to the bottoms.
If the top and bottoms match in color and fabric, wear a suit.
See more in our selection of jeans, chinos and suit trousers.
You can wear a white shirt
If you choose a dark suit, it's a good idea to wear a white shirt underneath. It naturally makes you look a bit more relaxed and gives you a classic look without being too conspicuous.
It's important, however, that the shirt stays under the jacket. Later in the day, at a reception or similar, you can remove the jacket if it gets too hot. Wearing a white shirt is also practical, as it doesn't absorb all the heat.
You must wear a discreet tie at the funeral
You should wear a tie to a funeral if the funeral you're attending has a formal dress code. If you choose a dark suit and white shirt, you can certainly complement it with a subtle dark tie. Ask friends and family what they expect of you.
General Rules for Mourning Ties
When it comes to wearing a tie to a funeral, there are some specific tips for you as a family member and guest:
- When choosing a tie, it should be conservative and not too prominent.
- Jet-black ties are appropriate for family members who have lost a loved one.
- As a guest at a funeral, you can choose gray or blue striped ties.
It's therefore important to choose a tie for the funeral that is subtle and unobtrusive.
How long should your mourning tie be?
Traditionally, your tie should be a certain length so as not to attract too much attention at the funeral. Ideally, the tip of the tie should extend about 2-4 cm above your belt or trouser hem. It's too long if it reaches below your belt, and too short if it's more than 4 cm from your belt.
You must wear black shoes to the funeral
Black shoes are a must at funerals. It's important that they're either brand new or freshly cleaned. But the most important thing is that they don't look too flashy or worn. As a last resort, you can also wear dark shoes that aren't too conspicuous.
Best to avoid:
- Shoes that are too light
- Too many patterns and other special details
- Large hiking boots
- Sandals
Other good advice
Funerals aren't just about the clothes, they're also about saying a final goodbye to loved ones: condolences. Condolences can be expressed in many ways.
You can do it yourself:
Send flowers to the church
Send a thank-you note to the deceased
Write a song, poem, or something similar
Give your loved ones enough space and don't crowd the church.
Remain calm and express the feelings you naturally want to express.